"Don't Be Afraid to Look Ugly in the Face"
The quote above was taken from a SpongeBob episode called "Something Smells." Do you remember when you were younger and used to look in the mirror to see what you might look like at any given moment? You know, like, this is what I look like when I look interested, this is what I look like when I'm surprised, this is what I look like when I'm kissing. You probably still do it. Did you know you were probably doing it since you were a toddler? Mommy is guessing it's true because if Joaquin is like your average child, and I think he is, and I catch him making faces in the mirror constantly, chances are, other toddlers do it too. He looks at the mirror straight on, looks out the corner of his eye, he continues to look as he is being dragged away, kicking and screaming. I can just see him thinking to himself, this is what I look like when I laugh, this is what I look like when I cry, this is what I look like when I stand there looking studly and this is what I look like having a fit. All I can say is BRAV-O, Sir John Gielgud has nothing on Sir Joaquin.

"It's not unusual to be loved by anyone..." Watch out Tom Jones. He's after your job too. Here is Joaquin singing in the bathtub back in February, 2003. I'm telling you, brav-o. (Click image to make bigger.)

Oo-de-lally

Joaquin is really into the Disney cartoon Robin Hood right now. I was hoping that he would like this movie and figuring it wouldn't be a waste of money since it is one of Mommy's favorites, we got the DVD. After we convinced him to watch it, he was hooked. Now, this is all we watch. (What's that about being careful of what you ask because you might get it?) He's trying to whistle the theme song now because he heard me do it and, when he hears the marching music, he marches right along with the rhinos. I'd get it all on tape but he spazzes out when he sees the camera. One day, maybe. Oo-de-lally.

More to Worry About
Well, we did it. We registered Joaquin for daycare. Mommy is worried. I know that it will utimately be good for him; they will teach him well, but it doesn't matter, I'm still worried. He will become more independent, but it doesn't matter, I'm still worried. We took Joaquin on Thursday to register, his Grandma and I. He doesn't know what is going on, even when I tell him he is going to start school soon. Grams is worried too, I know she is. We don't say it, but we are. We're worried they won't understand that "agua" means water and "mas" means more. We're worried that they won't understand that Joaquin won't tell them that he has gone poopy. We're worried that he won't get the attention he's used to. But mainly, we're worried because our baby is growing up so fast.

Since I haven't shared a picture of Joaquin for a while, here is one we took of him doing yardwork in early April. We're keeping this one on file so we can tell him he did it when he was a baby and perhaps shame is teenaged self into doing it. (Click image to make bigger.)

Operation Spilt Milk
Here's what's been going on this week in the Land of Joaquin. Let's see, Joaquin is going cold turkey on the chichi*. We are in day four of "Operation Spilt Milk." His first full day without was Sunday. What's that you say? The kid is over two, it is about time? I'm with you. See, my original plan was for him to wean himself, and we got down to two sessions a day, but it just didn't seem like it was going to happen anytime soon. (I take that as a compliment, of course. They must be fabulous.) When he got sick last week and threw up a couple of times after nursing, I thought it was time.

I feel SO sorry for him. He asks for it and when he doesn't get it, he cries and kicks. He tosses and turns in bed before finally dropping into sleep. Usually he wants to eat or drink something before turning in. I have visions of him as an adult on an analyst's couch attributing his 500 pound body size, alcoholism and inability to form lasting relationships to the day his mother stopped breast feeding him. Daddy is worried (hoping?) that we will have to drag Joaquin out of topless dives and getting comments like, "Are you the parents of this guy who just sits there saying 'Aaaahhhh, aaaahhhh' all night long?" *Sigh* What's a mommy to do? Maybe it will make him more independent. We will just have to see.

Mommy is having trouble too, of course. It is sad not only to watch him go through withdrawls, but realizing that my baby isn't really a baby anymore and this is one more thing he doesn't need his mommy for AND that the oxytocin hormone that is secreted when breastfeeding REALLY does relax not only the baby, but the Mommy too, no lie, I'm having trouble sleeping too. I'm hoping things will get better by the weekend.




*slang in our house for breast (Yes, stop laughing, I was still nursing him!)

An Experiment
Mommy has been wanting to add sound files to this site for a while. I think I've figured out how I can do it. Since sound files can be huge, I'm experimenting with different bit rates (look at me sounding like I know what I'm talking about). Here is my first. Let me know what you think, is it worth it?

Joaquin Laughs Big

Reel News
Ha! Get it?! Anyway, we bought this reel mower a few weeks ago. I finally got to use it today and I must say, I LOVE IT! (I mean, if you can reel-ly love a mower.) I wanted a mower that wasn't too loud and didn't shoot rocks out with enough force to blast a 240 pound man into submission (on second thought, I might want that last thing). Mainly, I wanted to be able to cut our pitiful grass and still allow Joaquin to be around without fear. He is still afraid of it, but that's ok, he respects it. I got my workout for the week and didn't even get hit with flying rocks! The added bonus is that we seem very retro-cool. Now where is my Vespa scooter?

Mommy's Gift
Mommy bought her own Mother's Day gifts. If you don't know why, see Monday's entry. I got three DVDs: Elmo's World Flowers, Bananas & More!, Elmo's World Singing Drawing & More! and Elmo's World Springtime Fun!

I also bought The String Quartet Tribute to Cold Play. I love these cds because they fool people into thinking you are listening to classical compositions when you know better. (Grandma wanted to know if I was listening to funeral music--what does she know, she listens to circus music.) I decided I must have more of these: The String Quartet Tribute to The Cure: Whispers, The String Quartet Tribute to Rolling Stones and The String Quartet Tribute to R.E.M. I'm thinking I would even buy the David Bowie tribute and I don't own any original music by David Bowie except his rendition of Little Drummer Boy with Bing Crosby. I wanted you to hear a sample of a string quartet tribute that you might recognize, so here is a one--of Man on the Moon by R.E.M (sound quality may not be very good, I wanted a small file). The company, Vitamin Records, sells all sorts of tributes in all sorts of music styles. They even offer a lounge tribute to Eminem in case you're interested! Guess what we'll be listening to at Thanksgiving dinner?

Time Out
We've just started getting into the time out routine for disciplining Joaquin. When he gets out of hand, I ask him, "Do you want a time out?" At first he would nod yes, now he's starting to realize what it means. We put a little chair from a set his Tia loaned us at the end of the hallway. When we started doing this, he would get up and go do something else in the room or whatever, but I would put him right back on the chair. Now he really sits there, doing his thang of course. After he's finished, he always gets a hug from me and an explanation why he was there. I don't know if that's what you're supposed to do, but it works for now.

Mother's Day in Retrospect
Sadly, many of the mothers I spoke with didn't get the kind of day they deserved. So, here are some tips Joaquin's Mommy has compiled in order to prevent this from happening again.

1) Do not purchase Mom chocolate truffles if she's told you before that she doesn't really like them. You might as well drop the money on the street.

2) Do not make Mom clean the bathroom, the floors or the baby; in other words, any of her regular chores. Do it yourself or hire someone to do them.

3) If Mom asks you to take the baby for a haircut, just do it; she wouldn't ask you if he didn't need it, alright?

4) A little planning and forethought would be appreciated. Do not wake up Mother's Day morning and remember you have to get her something, anything, that might be fitting, and take off and leave her alone with the baby for several hours when she should be getting her toes done or something.

5) Do not wait for the last minute to do research on what restaurants are doing for Mother's Day.

6) At the restaurant, do not expect Mom to change the baby's poopy diaper or cut up the baby's food. You can do it one day, sheesh!

7) Do not say, "I'll make it up to you later." There IS no later and whoever told you there was is an idiot.

8) And no, Saturday was not Mother's Day, so the massively enjoyable day Mom had then does not count as "her day" unless it is agreed prior to and in writing.

Grandma Loves Us, Yes She Does
Joaquin's Grandma has been watching him for over a year now. It is really nice because she comes to our house. No packin up the kid and toting him off to daycare (not yet anyway). I complain that the house is a wreck when I come home and that Grandma lets Joaquin do whatever he wants and gives him too much candy, but I really have it sooooo easy. Grandma makes us lunch and does dishes before she leaves. I'm spoiled.

If you knew Grandma like I know Grandma, you'd know that for her, food is love. She brings food in those new fancy non-staining storage containers that we gave her for Christmas. I frequently find leftovers in the fridge that I didn't even know were there, like the watermelon I found just now. How could I miss a freakin' watermelon? Anyhoo, this is just illustrates, once again, how much Grandma loves us. We are so lucky.

Actual Conversation (if you can call it that) With A Two Year Old
Joaquin: Neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh.
Mommy: No, Joaquin, no soda, it's too late.
Joaquin: Neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh. [goes to refrigerator]
Mommy: No soda, Joaquin.
Joaquin: Neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh. [opens refrigerator]
Mommy: Joaquin, mommy said no! [closes refrigerator]
Joaquin: NEIGH!!!! ARGHHHHHH! NEIGH!!!!!
Mommy: That's it, you need a time-out!
Joaquin: NEIGHHHHH!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mommy: Joaquin, why is this so important!? What do you want!? Show mommy. [opens refrigerator]
Joaquin: Neigh, neigh.
Mommy: What!?
Joaquin: Neigh, neigh. [looks on second level of refrigerator]
Mommy: Popcorn? You want popcorn?
Joaquin: [silence, stares at popcorn; eventually nods head so we make the popcorn]
Joaquin: [while sitting down to eat popcorn] Agua, agua, agua.

...and people wonder why I'm so tired.

Ay Caramba
In honor of Cinco de Mayo, when the Mexican's beat the pants off of the French (we're buds now though, just like France and U.S., n'est pas?), Mommy is including a little ditty she wrote a while ago but never posted. Just so you know, it is still applicable.

Contra el establecimiento
When Mommy was little, Popo (If you don't know, Popo is Joaquin's Grandpa, his Mommy's dad.) used to get frustrated and say things like, "Ay, Muchacha, usted está siempre contra el establecimiento," thinking that I didn't understand. Well, I knew enough to know that siempre is always, contra is against (you know, the Nicaraguan Contras in the Honduran Conflict? I watched the news!) and establecimiento is close enough to establishment to figure out, so I guess it meant that I am anti-establishment. Hmmm, it is true, but only with those I love. Well, contra el establecimiento must be a dominant trait because I keep thinking those same thoughts about Joaquin. Why won't he do anything Mommy wants him to do? He is so contra.

The Pawn
Mommy worked a few extra hours today. Cousin Angelica agreed to take care of Joaquin and it only took a little bribe to convince her. Joseph helped too, of course. Joaquin loves to go to Tia's house because she has lots to explore in the house and garden. He doesn't sit, let alone nap while he's there. Oh, and there's Joseph.

When we finally got home, after 5 PM, and Joaquin finally settled in for a little nap, Mommy asked him, "Did Mommy pawn you off on the first person she saw today?" He quickly responded with an grandiose nod of the head and a loud, but pitiful sounding, "Yes!" I asked him if he had a good time at anyway and he also responded with a big yes...Did I mention Joseph was there?

The Tide Came In, Daddy
Now, you know we live in the desert and we don't get any tides other than the ones that come in the box that we wash our clothes with. But Mommy came home to see Joaquin's frog sandbox filled, not only with sand, but water too. The tide had come. Joaquin was so proud.

After accessing the damage, Mommy tried to tip the frog to dump the water out but it was too heavy, so I started to to use one of Joaquin's little sand buckets to scoop out water by hand. He thought it was hilarious, which reinforced even more what a GOOD IDEA it was to do this in the first place. As I'm scooping, I'm wondering, where was Grandma while all this was going on? Probably sitting back cooing about how cute he is. Just a note to others: If you expect your Mom to discipline your child just because she beat you regularly when you were a child, forget it.

Later, when Daddy came home, he went outside to finish cleaning the mess because that frog was so darned heavy with the wet sand and all (and Mommy didn't want him to miss the experience of seeing exactly what his Number One Son had done, uh huh). As Joaquin watched through the window, I said to him, "Look at Daddy, don't you feel guilty?" He responded with some incoherent gibberish that almost sounded like, "Well, YOU wanted a baby."