Idiot! Gah!

I'm sick, I tell ya. I took some excellent (I thought) photos today of Joaquin in his hat that I finished and posted about the other day and with some lovely balloon flowers that I made and I used too high a resolution for jpeg so they came out...funky. I don't know what other word to use. I'm just sick about it because you know Mr. Joaquin doesn't like the paparazzi and I finally got him to look at the camera!

I found out too late that I had some software that could fix the jpeg compression during download and I deleted the photos from the camera. You don't know how many times I tried to get a picture of that flippin' hat! Idiot! Gah! (I happier news, I saw Napoleon Dynamite.)

Anybody know of some good software to fix jpeg compression problems after download? Sigh. I'm posting them anyway and if I can fix them later, great and if not, it's out of my system. (No click to see bigger 'cause they're just ugly, sorry.)

Note To Tia

In case I forget, I just wanna let Tia know that the Igloo you got at IKEA. You remember, the one you had to get Joaquin? The one that you discovered is about the size of our living room once you set it up? The one you laughed at as you left to go to home to your comfortably furnished, toy-free living room? Yeah, that one. It's being put to good use.

Mmm, Sounds Like Good Eats

I will always remember the special meals my mother prepared: The enchiladas, the potato soup, the tamales, the albondigas. I'll remember how almost everything she made tasted good. A pleasant memory I will have for a lifetime.

You know what Joaquin'll remember about my cooking? The smoke detector.

Aside from, or maybe because of the fact that I make the smoke detector go off almost every time I cook, Joaquin is scared to death of it. It is in our hallway and he runs by everytime he has to go to the bedroom or bathroom. When it catches his attention, he stares at it constantly, just waiting for it to beep.

He always asks me not to cook today because he doesn't want the smoke detector to go off. I don't think I'm a bad cook, I can make some pretty tasty stuff. It's just that I don't pay enough attention, I guess, and something almost always burns or gets smokey.

If we take the innards out of the smoke detector and leave it hanging while I cook, he freaks out. And the beeping when we remove and replace the battery doesn't help matters either.

I'm gonna go to my grave blaming Daddy for this in a very dramatic way. I'll say, "Son, [cough, cough] if Daddy had replaced the fan over the stove [cough, cough], the smoke detector wouldn't have bothered you caused you to lose your hearing. [Cough!] Come closer, Son. [Cough!] If the switch to your kitchen fan ever shocks your wife two years after you buy your house [cough, cough]...Just fix it. [Cough! Gasp! And, I'm out.]"

Hat. Hat, ha haat, hat!

I finished another hat...hey look at all of these buttons on blogger that aren't available on my old Mac at home! I can bold, by clicking a b, italicize, by clicking an i, change colors, add hyperlinks, wow! And, no fair. Do you know how long it takes me to add that stuff by hand? I'm doing this at work from now on! (just kidding, boss)

Okay, back to subject at hand. I finished another hat. You can sort of see it on Joaquin in a previous post without the tassles. I based it on the one on page 87 of Animal Knits by Zoe Mellor, which I recently bought. Only I didn't do the cow pattern. I don't feel that I'm ready for that yet. It knit up very easily and I'm pleased with it. The bind-off, I wasn't really sure of, but I did what I thought and it doesn't look too bad. My second FO*! Actually, this is my third because I did make an exact duplicate but it was too big. Of course it is messy, that's what I like about hand-knit stuff. Good Lord, I'm not a machine!

*That means finished object for those who are not in the know or the want to know.

Don't Drink The Water

You know, when they tell you not to drink the water, you suddenly become very thirsty.

Drinking fountains were taped off, restaurants were giving canned soda without ice, Joaquin was even warning people not to drink the water. I hope he doesn't think ever. Eh, doubt it, he wanted water before bed so I gave him some of the bottled stuff we had squirreled away.

Hope things settle by tomorrow.

Career Choices

"Hello, Police, would you please come get Mommy and Daddy and put the hooks on them? They aren't being nice." --Uttered by Joaquin because Mommy and Daddy insisted that he go to sleep and he had other plans.

Joaquin said that he wants to be a policeman. He said it's because he wants to be the boss. I told him that wasn't a good reason to be a policeman, he should do it because he wants to help people. Reminds me of those policemen I've met, walking around all puffed up because "they're the law." Nope, my child isn't gonna walk around all puffed up. Need it nip it now. Policeman or serial killer. Oy, my choices.

Do you think at this young an age one can really make a career choice? The earliest I remember was when I was eight or ten and thinking that I wanted to work at the State Capitol after selling Campfire Girl candy there one day. I now work at the Capitol. I should've been more specific...I want to be Governor at the State Capitol. *Bling* Nope, that didn't work.

Popo says that I wanted to be a crossing guard when I was real little. More recently, I wanted to be independently wealthy. I guess I can still be the crossing guard. Now why can't Joaquin pick independently wealthy for his goal? He could be the boss that way too, you know.

The Cats in the Park

We saw a man feeding stray cats at the park today. Of course, my little Joaquin started the dialogue. "Hi. Are you feeding the cats? We don't have the cats food. The ducks ate it." The guy thought we fed them too. No, dude, we don't, my child exaggerates and cats don't like toffee flavored popcorn. Neither do ducks, by the way.

After Joaquin warmed him up, I continued to ask him questions like, I guess there's no way to take these cats home, huh, unless you get them when they are just born? Boy that did it. I found out that if you took one of these home, you'd end up getting rid of it because they'd pee all over the house. The park rangers won't even let you take one home if you caught it. I found out that the kids terrify the cats over the weekend. I found out that most of the cats are sterile and very healthy, one of the healthiest colonies in the city. I found out that a the guy doesn't want the group that did the sterilization to come back because a few cats died when anesthesia wasn't applied correctly. He said that he'd rather they just have babies. I had to disagree.

Sad, I said. Just sad that these feral cats are living here in the park without proper care and food. Sad that the coyotes recently found IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY are having them for lunch. Sure, you and a couple of others feed them regularly, but what happens when you're gone? What'll they do then? No, overpopulation is not the answer. That's why I want to support AZCats' efforts.

Joaquin, in the meantime, continued to try to play with the cats until they all went to hide. They were cute to watch for a while though. Looking so content and happy, just like the house cats we had when we were growing up. Poor little kitties.

No Fear

Friday night, Chico's Tacos has gotta be the safest place in town. We saw five cops there within the eight o'clock hour.

Joaquin was so excited. He kept saying, "I'm gonna say 'Hi,' Mommy. Then I'm gonna tell him to put the hooks on you. Mommy you like the hooks." "I'm not that kind of girl," I told him. Eventually he got the courage to ask one of them for the hooks. "The hooks?" Asked the policeman. I explained that he calls the handcuffs, hooks. So Joaquin got to actually hold the hooks and examine them. I told him not to get too used to them.

Another policeman gave him a sticker shaped like a badge. "I'm gonna give this to Daddy so he can pretend he's the police and put the hooks on me." That was Joaquin saying that, not Mommy (too bad, Daddy).

Joaquin's excitement reminded me of when I was little. I loved policemen. I was picked up by them quite frequently. Wait, that doesn't sound right, let me explain. They'd pick me up when I used to run away...wait, that doesn't sound right either, let me try again. I wasn't actually running away, I was going to my godmother's house, but Grandma would call the police because I was missing.

The police would find me across major intersections, usually being detained at the Chinese grocer with candy, and bring me home. Me, in the front seat of the patrol car, with my arm around them, just a laughing and munching on candy. I was four.

Grandma said she didn't know what I was telling them but they'd be giggling when they got there and they'd tell her, "She's okay, don't hit her," before they'd leave, because they'd see how sick and angry with worry Grandma had been. Finally, Grandma had enough and gave me a good one and I never ran away again. My adventures abruptly ended.


Our other adventure today was the library. Joaquin asked to go. Good thing, because they are currently in the midst of their winter reading program. Joaquin really wants the blowup dragon, even though he doesn't know what it is.

He is just too cute, not shy to go up to people to ask for what he wants, he went up to the librarian to ask her for Thomas books and that dragon. I really want to encourage that because lord knows, I'm not good at it. If he hadn't started the dialogue, I wouldn't have even asked if he was eligible for this program. All we have to do is read and log nine books and it's his! He doesn't really like the idea of having to earn it, but I think it's a good lesson in so many ways.

Since I had to work on Monday, I got an extra day off, but my weekend is still going by way too quickly. Wait, weekend, wait! Hope everyone has a nice one, whatever you do.

I know you are all DYING to know how the Joan Rivers show was, aren't you.

To begin with, Joaquin said, oh, you're going to go to the river, when I told him we were gonna go see Joan Rivers. I thought he was gonna have a hard time letting me and Tia, his favorite people in the whole wide world, go, but Tio and he took a walk to get an Icee and it was like, "Buh-bye, Mommy."

We went to eat at our favorite restaurant, The Coronado Cafe, and about choked when we saw the bill for two salads and a cup of soup was $45! They mistakenly put a $21 bottle of wine on the tab. That'll be the day when I pay more to drink than I do to eat!

We got to the venue just in time, walked in and were ushered to our seats, which were the eighth row from the front. We quickly found out that this as a benefit show and I got to look around as Bill Heywood started auctioning off a necklace that Joan donated for Scratch & Sniff. The necklace, which was apparently like one belonging to some Russian queen, was auctioned for $1,600.00. Then they had a little raffle and it was on with the show.

The opening act was a local singer by the name of Guy Pelucci, or something like that. He sang a bunch of Sinatra standards. Enjoyed it. Cute because he obviously wasn't used to being in front of a large audience and he kind of did one of those "That Girl" waves as he walked around the stage. You've seen the wave, you put your hand up to your cheek and wave with your first and second fingers. The lady next to me and I just looked at eachother and cracked up. What was that?

Joan Rivers current mark is apparently Kirsti Alley, for obvious reasons. There was some of the, "can we talk" stuff, including a story about all of these actresses invited to a New York Plastic Surgeon's fiftieth birthday party who all claimed that they were just friends with the surgeon, not patients. Popular lady, she said. Said it was a true story. Funny.

I wondered what type of people go to see Joan Rivers. Apparently, ex-governors of Arizona and current Sheriffs go, as well as a group of people in tiaras and some Red-Hat ladies and, of course, there were all of those Scratch & Sniff people. Funny because Joan came out with what she called her dog wrapped around her neck. Said that she like these Scratch & Sniff people but hated PETA because they're liars. She was keeping it real. Said that if you eat dog, you should admit it. Went to someone's house and they had a "turkey," and she did the double-quotes, with a frisbee in it's mouth. There were funnier one's, I just can't think of them right now.

Some guy sent Joan Rivers flowers at her hotel room. She thanked him for that by giving him one of the stage decorations, a potted mum. At the end of the show, she wanted to end with a warm and fuzzy. She insisted everyone look at the person you came with, and say "I'm so glad." And she did this until EVERYONE participated. Okay, now say, "I'm so glad," so the audience says, "I'm so glad." Then she said, "I'm not you." Ha, ha, ha, she cracks herself up.

I truly enjoyed the show. If you ever get tickets to see Joan Rivers as a gift, you should definitely go.

The Show You Didn't Know You Wanted To See

This Christmas, Tio E. got me the most thoughtful gift: Time with my sister. He got the two of us tickets to a comedy show. Specifically, tickets to see Joan Rivers in concert. Yep, you read that correctly. Joan Rivers.

Now, not to seem ungrateful or anything, because these tickets aren't cheap by any means, but I gotta say that never in my wildest imagination would I have thought I would receive tickets to see Joan Rivers. My sister either. We don't talk like Joan Rivers, don't talk about Joan Rivers, don't watch her on TV, not since the Johnny Carson days anyway.

Last year, Tio got us tickets to see The Nutcracker Ballet, which we loved, loved, loved. Guess he thought he needed to mix it up a bit.

Still, sometimes I don't think I see myself like others see me. I mean, what made him decide I wanted to see Joan Rivers? Probably the same thing that made my sister decide to buy a beautiful package of Integritea Tiara Tea for the "Drama Queen." Or, more likely, I'm thinking about this too much.

So, Sister-Tia and I will be spending quality time this Thursday watching Joan Rivers, while Tio watches Joaquin. Fair trade, I think. Don't be surprised if I come back talking like, "Ahhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhhhh! She shouldn't be wearing that dress! Ahhhhhhh! Elizabeth Taylor, in front of the microwave saying, 'Hurry, hurry!' Ahhh!"

Seriously, thank you Tio E. and Sister-Tia. I love you both. Keep me guessing.

Glendale Glitters & Glows

After this morning's episode, which, if it isn't posted below, will be soon, I was happy to be able to do anything. Do you think if I had taken myself to the hospital, I could say the same thing?

So after visiting the park to ride the train this morning, this evening, we found ourselves at Glendale Glitters & Glows. I love this event. It's basically the culmination of a month long holiday light display with a festival of music, food and hot air balloons. It's beautiful.

This is a picture of what we saw when we got there


This is a picture of what we dealt with after a short time.

Edited to add: Just thought I'd clear up why Joaquin was on the ground with his jacket around his head. The balloon twist guy added a balloon wand to his heart shaped balloon. He didn't want that but without it, there would be no twisting as the balloon came out of the package heart shaped. Every other kid before and after Joaquin walked away happily with their balloon objet, even if it didn't look like they expected. Don't know if I should've picked different words, but I told him he was being ungrateful. He didn't know what if meant but had a melt down about it anyway.

This is a picture of what we took home. Finally.

Alex, I think I'll Take Death for $200.

The pain, the agonizing pain is hard to describe. It is even more difficult understand the way it stopped. Zzzzzt! Suddenly, that's it. Jump up and go on with your day.

After four hours of pelvic and back pain so bad you can't sit, you can't stand, you can't lie down and you only want to be around the toilet to try to force the thing out of your body, by any means, even throwing it up, even if trying to throw up only results in dry heaves. Death would have been a relief. Then suddenly, no more agonizing pain, only phantom pulses on the left side where the pain used to be. Uh, just kidding about the death thing, God.

Trying to self-diagnose from the Internet only resulted on information about endometriosis. I couldn't spend very much time sitting at the computer, couldn't even erect myself enough to look for and dial the doctor's office. So, I woke Daddy and asked him to do it. By this time I'm sweating and still doubled-over in pain, so Daddy calls the Doctor's office and begins to look up an urgent care center because the office had no openings. (By the way, to the bitch at the office with the snide attitude, like duh, when I asked if they were open, FU, I was in pain! I feel better now, I'll be writing your boss.) I go to try to lay down. Right at the moment, I feel...NO MORE PAIN!

Daddy was still trying to find out which urgent care to go to and I trot in and do a little sing-songy, I feel better. He looked at me like I'd gone totally insane from the pain. No, really, I feel better. It just stopped. Uh, okay, but I have the information if we need it.

I'm going to make a Dr. appointment, but not with the Dr. I called earlier, to learn for sure what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is going on, but I have my suspicions and I seriously do not want to go through that kind of pain again.

IKEA IS Disneyland!

Tia, Joaquin and I went to IKEA in Tempe yesterday. The first time since it opened in November. When we first walked in, we just stood there for a minute. Where do we start? We both asked. A bit overwhelmed, slowly, we forged our way to the accessories area towards a wall of brightly colored piggy banks that seemed to be calling, come this way, friends, with their bright smiling faces.

This is like Disneyland! We looked in almost every nook and kranny, easy since you have to go through the ENTIRE store to get to the exit, had a couple of 50 cent hotdogs, a dollar cinnamon roll and some lingenberry juice. Pretty good for only two and a half hours.

Of course, they were out of a couple of the things I really went there to get. No worries, I found other stuff to replace it. All in all a nice place to visit, but don't see myself having to go every week, much Daddy's relief, I'm sure.

Speaking of Disneyland, Joaquin saw a sticker with Mickey Mouse on a car today. He said, "Look, Mommy, it's Mickey The Mouse. Katia had a t-shirt with Mickey The Mouse." Joaquin has no idea who Mickey Mouse is. Really, do any kids these days? He doesn't really do cartoons anymore so they have no reference.

Actually, Joaquin has less reference than other kids. When we went to Diane's house the other day, she had a box full of Disney CLTs* left over from when Danielle was little. She'd pull one out and ask, "Do you know who this is?" Joaquin would just stare blankly, eh, no idea. He recognized Woody, from Toy Story, but he wouldn't admit it.

We've tried hard to keep as much of the Corporation out of the house as possible, even though we're surrounded by Winnie The Pooh freaks, so, when he first saw Mickey, he thought it was one of the Animaniacs, Yakko, Wakko or Dot. And now, Mommy and Daddy are looking at Disney cruises on their crappy destinations website (crappy 'cause they don't tell you how much $). Not that Joaquin would know any different, of course, all he knows is that it's Mickey The Mouse.

*CLTs=Crappy Little Toys

Going Retro

I did a retro-post, to borrow a phrase from our favorite PeppermintTina.

Happy Birthday, Barb! We love you!

I've always loved Barb. Even when I didn't, I did. I fell in love with her when she lived with us for a short time many, many years ago. I remember her Dodge Dart with the door missing. Boy, she's come a loooonnngg way.

Barb is smart, funny, generous, creative, resourceful, loving, hardworking and optimistic. Sometimes a little persnickety, she's got a bigger heart than anyone I know. She has lots of friends who love her and if you ever had the pleasure of meeting her, you would too.

And she's got a nice house.

Have a Happy Birthday, Barb! I hope this year is better than ever! You deserve it!

Dad! She's Licking Me! & Other Things I've Been Holding In Lately

First off, Happy New Year! I hope your holidays were shiny and brite, just like the ornaments. I haven't had a chance to update much and when I did, my posts were really gloom and doom. Also, I am having a particularly hard time writing about our goings on. Just so much has happened and I want to remember every single nuance!

I'm gonna try to back-post to Joaquin's birthday in November as I get inspired to write more. I hope. Gulp. I know, I really should just let it go, but like Tina, I want a semi-chonological record of events I can look back at and say, "Really?" I did that recently with some of my old posts from December, 2002! which I found somewhat entertaining.

~*~*~*~

For the past few months, Joaquin's had this thing about licking. I really don't understand it. When he catches me and Daddy kissing, he immediately comes up to lick me. Weirdo.

After constantly asking him to stop, I decided to change my tactic. So I licked him back. Mind you, my tongue is about the size of his entire face so he wasn't too crazy about it. Can you say, eewwww?

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We caught an episode of Cops on New Year's day eve. Cops, for future recollection, is half-hour show that follows police as they chase, arrest, or apprehend suspects. They were featuring the Mardi Gras episodes, in honor of New Year's. Joaquin saw a guy with a pirate hat get arrested and told me that the cops put the 'hooks' on the pirate. Reminded me of a SpongeBob SquarePants episode called, Hooks. SpongeBob, for future recollection, is an enjoyable little animated cable series that we would have never discovered if it weren't for Joey Young, or is it Jeung? (lpj - little private joke)

Ever since then, Joaquin's been calling the handcuffs, hooks. He even pretended to put the hooks on me because he said he got mad. And, here we go again, he's back to calling the police cops when he sees them. Oy. I told him they didn't like to be called cops, so call them police. He said "Ok, Lady. I love you, bye, bye." Really, we're shooting for an hour or less a day.

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Earlier, I said we'd gotten the movie Elf. We all love it. It inspired us to make paper snowflakes and the other day when I told Joaquin we were going to my work, he excitedly asked, "Mama, you got elligators (elevators) at your work?" When I said yes, he said, "I'm gonna push all the buttons like on Alfie!" He was referring to the scene where Buddy pushes all of the elevator buttons in the elevator car at the Empire State Building. Oh, joy!

Unfortunately, my building only has five floors plus a rear storage area that has a button that won't light without a key and I told him, you can't push that button because it's an alarm and those other three are for the fire department to use and if you push the other two, the door won't close. Zzzzzt! Wow, what a let down. To make it up to him, I think I'm gonna take him to the bankruptcy building on Central and Thomas. They have TONS of buttons.


~*~*~*~

Another thing Joaquin is fond of saying lately is "Too bad, so sad." I think his Daddy taught it to him. And, finally, Tia is now referred to as "Sister-Tia" because he heard me say, "My sister."