Two Steps Forward

I think I've been doing really well lately dealing with my mom being gone, able to happily talk about her and think of her without drama. Other times I just really want to see her, my hand on the door knob, keys at the ready with a quick thought, I'll just stop by to see her for a few minutes. I have so much to tell her. And then we're back several steps.

I keep thinking about what I'm going to do on Mother's Day. The last couple of years it has just been us girls on Mother's Day, going to eat or shop. For several years, I'd try to get my mom a corsage to wear. Even when she was working I liked to get her a corsage so she could wear it to work on Sundays. I just like a mom in a corsage, I guess.

I don't know how I'm going to feel on that day and it scares me. Will I be sad and cry most of the day? Will I visit her at the grave and be okay? Will I try to avoid the day? As it is, when I see an ad that says Mother's Day I find myself quickly moving my attention elsewhere but it seems like it would be hard to avoid completely. We will see, I guess.