The Services

Everything turned out so beautifully. I think my mom would have really enjoyed it. She always loved a good funeral. It was a good turn out, both for the visitation and rosary yesterday and the mass today. The funeral home created a very professional DVD of photos of my mom, but my BIL made a beautiful DVD with music he chose: "Juana La Cubana," by La Brissa (best sample I could find), which was one of my mom's favorites. I liked it better. We played the DVD during the visitation. Juana La Cubana is a very upbeat song, which somehow seemed fitting for my mom.

It was strange seeing my mom in the casket. She didn't look like herself--they even painted her nails, something she did very, very rarely. I thought I'd feel better seeing her one last time, but I didn't. I knew it wasn't her. I knew she was no longer there. My last memory of her is at the hospital. That's when I took her in completely, held her hands, touched her smooth skin, kissed her remarkably unwrinkled cheek. That was the last time she was real. When I think about it, I miss her awful.

I'm not a religious person, but I found the mass today very comforting. I like the way the priest spoke about death. He didn't just say, "It's not our place to question why," which just makes me angry, he simply said, "We just don't know why. Why would God give us such a desire to stay here on earth if the after life is really better?" I know my mom wasn't ready to leave this earth, there was so much more she wanted to do, wanted to see. We just don't know why God would do this to us, and that's where faith for an even better hereafter comes in (I'm still on the fence about it).

My Tia Bernie was so helpful to us throughout this entire ordeal. She said she promised my mom she would take care of us and she's really been keeping that promise. We were just clueless about everything from the mortuary to the mass. She came to us 15 minutes before the funeral mass to say that the band wanted to know when the priest wanted them to play and asked which passages would be read. We were freaking out--except my sister, who was the picture of composure--because we didn't know and the priest hadn't gotten there yet. The priest was doing other priestly duties, I guess. He got there about 10 minutes before and my sister said everything was planned in about a minute. Only one reading, from Revelations, which my nephew Jonathan read.

My mom would have loved everything, especially the mariachis Tia Bernie got to play at the mass--which happened to be the same ones that played at my sister's wedding thirty years ago. The church was beautiful, the flowers were beautiful, the music was beautiful, the words were beautiful, the people filling the pews were beautiful...I kind of wish I would have video taped it--it really was that...beautiful. Especially touching was when the priest offered the incense around the casket and one of the band members sang "Amazing Grace," very softly without music.

It turns out that the mortuary we used, Chapel of Chimes, is a Mormon group. We laughed when we heard that because we're Catholic. My mom's funeral was just as quirky, irreverant and fun as she was. They really did a nice job. I'm so grateful.

I'd been so wrapped up in my feelings and everything that was going on that when we were leaving church today, I took my sister and FORGOT JOAQUIN! We were driving around front of the church and we see him at the top of the steps having a ol' good time, passing out maps to my house for the reception. We both gasped, "Joaquin!" I quickly stopped and my sister jumped out and a bunch of paper fell out of her lap. The guy from the mortuary came running over, "Is something wrong?!" "Yes." my sister replied, "We forgot our baby!" I don't know what I was thinking. Ivan left early and I since he wasn't hanging onto me, I guess I thought he went with dad. Oy!

My cousin Diane made some bracelets with beads that symbolized different meanings. She made 75 of them. She found a Virgin of Guadalupe charm which happened to have another saint called, El Niño de Atocha. She really felt it was meant to be, because this Saint was know to give food and water to those imprisoned by the Moors and my mom happened to have a statue of this saint in her home. Diane remembers how all my mom wanted was water and she was imprisoned by her situation, so she felt it was fitting. Ever since she was paralyzed, I've felt that she was imprisoned in her body. She tried so hard to move and only her head would move--we thought she was in pain when she was doing it, but no, she was just trying to move her body.

My mom had a bracelet that my sister bought her a couple of years ago in Tubac. The bracelet has tons of religious charms and was just beautiful. My mom loved it. We decided to give it to Diane. She was just so touched that I know we made the right choice.