I'm getting ready to write this post and I know it's going to sound so selfish and I don't mean it to be but I know it is.
I still cannot believe this has happened to us, to my mother. Paralyzed, quadraplegic, a word I can't even spell without looking up. It saddens me to the core and hurts more than I could ever have imagined.
My mom, a woman who loved life, loved to dance and forced herself to get out an about even as the years made it increasingly difficult. An independent woman who had already fought so many battles in her life. A woman who loved the taste of life and lovingly prepared food for others who by some horrible fate, can no longer eat food. She asked for a shake and a hamburger yesterday. I thought my heart would break into a million pieces.
I'm trying not to think about how this will impact my life because it seems so selfish. She has the biggest burden by far. How can I complain that I don't have anybody to watch Joaquin? Although this is far from true, it's not the same. I felt like I could drop Joaquin off at Grandmas pretty much anytime because I knew she enjoyed any time she could spend with him and she didn't have to work. It was a perfect situation. I never felt judged on the way I was raising him or the way he acted because she never complained about anything he might have done. What happened at Grandma's stayed at Grandma's. Now I feel myself stressing about the way he might act with others even though nobody's said anything yet.
It's just hard.
I still cannot believe this has happened to us, to my mother. Paralyzed, quadraplegic, a word I can't even spell without looking up. It saddens me to the core and hurts more than I could ever have imagined.
My mom, a woman who loved life, loved to dance and forced herself to get out an about even as the years made it increasingly difficult. An independent woman who had already fought so many battles in her life. A woman who loved the taste of life and lovingly prepared food for others who by some horrible fate, can no longer eat food. She asked for a shake and a hamburger yesterday. I thought my heart would break into a million pieces.
I'm trying not to think about how this will impact my life because it seems so selfish. She has the biggest burden by far. How can I complain that I don't have anybody to watch Joaquin? Although this is far from true, it's not the same. I felt like I could drop Joaquin off at Grandmas pretty much anytime because I knew she enjoyed any time she could spend with him and she didn't have to work. It was a perfect situation. I never felt judged on the way I was raising him or the way he acted because she never complained about anything he might have done. What happened at Grandma's stayed at Grandma's. Now I feel myself stressing about the way he might act with others even though nobody's said anything yet.
It's just hard.
<< Home